What to say? Warning: self-reflection, confessions, and mushy boyfriend jabberings

While it does appear I have hopelessly and thoughtlessly abandoned my wordpress, I really haven’t.  Sure things have been happening (to me, around me, without me, within me), and maybe that’s why I’ve not been able to find the time to write.

Though the truth is when I start writing a blog a few sentences into it I feel a heavy sense of guilt at my own self-involvement.  Why do my words merit webspace?  Why are my opinions and feelings so important I feel compelled to share them with the entire world?  Who blogs anymore?  Who even reads this?

My family (whom I already talk to 3-4 times a week)
a few friends from home (whom all keep in touch with me via facebook and email)
maybe some potential/future PCVs (though none have ever commented)

That’s probably all.  And really from October-December I was having a tough time of life, though from January forward things have really, really taken an upswing.  But for those few months: my relationship was deteriorating rapidly (despite having a wonderful summer; maybe the sun washes out the dark spaces), my work was being difficult and unsatisfying, I felt isolated and alone, one year had crawled by and I almost couldn’t face another one, the work I was doing at site seemed lousy and ineffective, and I was withdrawing socially from my friends in Ukraine.

So!  In December I took a much needed vacation to America to see my family, my home, and my friends and to reconnect with reality.  It was good.  It was cleansing.  It was reflective.  I thought a lot about the state of certain things in my life, how they were unhealthy and negative, how I’m a strong person with a lot of life goals, and how I deserve the best.  It was empowering.

I don’t like to admit that I had set ultimatums in my head about things.  I had set them before and never kept them when an expectation wasn’t met because I always try to see the best in people and in situations.  I try to be optimistic.  I try to believe that love and patience will conquer all things.  Sometimes they don’t.  I don’t think that has jaded me at all; it’s just a realization I’ve made and had to accept in the last half year.

I say all of that to say… sorry for not updating Though that was sort of a disclaimer, I do have more.  Here’s your real update:

October: Was an exceedingly busy month.  There were highs and lows.  I trained a group of students for FLEX during September and October.  On the morning of the pretest, none of them showed up.  Ouch.  I went to the pretest anyway to meet with FLEX staff and alumni and see how the process works.  I’m glad I did.  Also in October: Living Libraries (which was an awesome success and a lot of fun) and Halloween weekend (which was an unspeakable disaster and the first time I properly hung out with my now boyfriend and made an idiot of myself (which he graciously and readily forgives me for<3 bless his face)).

November: Participated in and won NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) Completed a 50k+ word novel in 21 days and have a pretty bitchin draft which I am currently editing (with a lot of help from my good friends).  Also went to a very, very fun weekend debate camp in Poltava and had a pretty rockin good time with some awesome PCVs.

December: Injured knee badly and was home-bound for quite some time. Went back to America and had super stellar time despite small sister-centric squabbles (which happen).

January: Returned to Ukraine, had mid-service medical, ended relationship, made a ton of new friends with our new PCV arrivals, got strep-throat (home-bound again).

February: Hung out with PCV friends practically every weekend, had my first ever American visitor to site!, caused several small scandals in various villages in the oblast by being WAY too awesome , danced twice until my legs were literally aching for days, and overall did a fine job of ignoring the grey sky and grey snow. Plus I applied for and got the FLEX position, which only 9 other volunteers got, and for which I’m crazy excited (see below)!

March (so far): Had AMAZING Indian party with some of my besties!, spent the weekend in Kharkiv with a very swell guy who traveled very far to see me and whom I now can proudly claim, while grinning dorkily, to be my awesome, attentive, hilarious, equally dorky boyfriend, Ted, who makes me feel safe and happy in all ways.

March (upcoming): FLEX training!!! This is only the intensive training before the PDO (which is in June/July), but I get to travel with two other girls from my oblast.  The training should still be awesome.  After FLEX, I and 3 friends (who are also doing the training) are taking the train to L’viv, spending the day there, and then meeting up with a massive group of PCVs and Ukrainians to hike Mt. Hoverla, the tallest mountain in Ukraine.  I’m super stoked to see L’viv and the Carpathian mountains like whoa.

April (upcoming): Ted and I are attending a “super camp” together run by one of my good friends here.  We’re team-teaching about the Western US, hanging out with fellow PCVs, enjoying the probable awesome Ukrainian spring weather, and being chill.  At the end of April is a concert in Kharkiv by one of my fav Ukrainian bands that I am attending with some friends, and then the last weekend in April/first few days of May is a four-day weekend.  I’m going to Ted’s site for the long May Day holiday, where he promises to cook for me and show me the awesome May Day celebrations of his city.

Summer plans (yes! I can already start thinking about summer!): Possibly Camp Express Yourself in Ulianovka, FLEX!!!!(A MILLION EXCLAMATION POINTS!), Yalta (beaches, snorkeling, sun, awesomeness) with Ted, possible summer camp at Ted’s site?, Croatia or Azerbaijan (or both) with Ted, and I’m sure things that I haven’t even thought about now

Yup I think that’s about all for now. I’m probably missing a few little things in there, but overall right now life is sunny and only getting sunnier.

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